Double Happiness: Life With Twins from China When Barbara Hinde and Mark Schuster were completing their paperwork to adopt a baby girl from China, the decision to check “yes” to the question about twins was a bit of an impulse. “My husband and I didn’t really discuss it much he saw that I had checked the box on the form that said we would be open to twins, and he looked at me kind of surprised,” Barbara said. “I assured him honey that never happens, don’t worry about it.” Apparently, it happens sometimes. One year later, when the Highland Park couple received the long awaited call from Cradle counselor Dori Fujii telling them their referral had come in, Barbara had to hear the news three times before it sunk in. “We were expecting a referral anytime, and so when I saw on the caller ID that the call was from The Cradle, I just started to shake,” Barbara recalled, a quiver in her voice still at the memory of that life-changing moment. “I picked up the phone and Dori almost whispered, ‘It’s twins.’ She had to repeat it three times… I asked her, ‘We have twins, what kind of twins?’ ‘Two little girls,’ Dori answered. I started crying, and I couldn’t think of anything else to ask her, I was so elated and excited. I waited until that evening to tell my husband, so it could sink in for me. We were both so happy.” “It took about a day for the shock to wear off, and then we started asking ourselves, ‘How are we going to do this?’” said Barbara. Like many couples, the Hinde-Schusters’ decision to adopt came after they went through the rollercoaster of infertility. They made an early decision to forgo extensive medical intervention and proceed straight to adoption through The Cradle. After considering both domestic and international programs, they chose China, expecting a six month wait until referral. However, that timeline shifted as the number of families seeking to adopt from China increased, and their wait soon stretched to a year. “If we’d known from the beginning it was going to be a year, we would have been fine with that. But expecting it to be six months, and then having it be twice that long was very stressful,” Barbara said. During their wait, they came to rely on the steady presence of Cradle Counselor Dori Fujii, whose calm, matter-of-fact manner has soothed many an anxious prospective parent. “Dori was wonderful, she was with us through the whole process, whenever we had a question or wondered about something she was very reassuring and helpful,” said Barbara. “She kept us informed and calm, and made what’s a very confusing and long process into a step by step straightforward event.” After receiving the phone call from Dori informing them that their family of two was about to double, Mark and Barbara went into survival mode, scouring stores for doubles of items such as clothing, car seats and cribs that they had already purchased for one baby. They soon received photos of the girls, whom they named Madeleine and Quinn, and proudly displayed them on their desks, and began the complicated adoption dance of falling in love with a photo, while still protecting their hearts just in case things didn’t work out. The day finally came for the family to meet. Mark stayed behind in Chicago to manage his business and provide stateside support, while Barbara traveled to China with her brother David to meet the girls and bring them home. She describes the moment they met the girls as “amazing.” “The girls are from Guangdong province, and we met them in the Civil Affairs office, where there was no air conditioning and so we were all dripping with sweat and so, so nervous!” Barbara remembered. “We were the second family to be called. The girls were dressed alike, and when they handed one to me and one to David, they didn’t cry, they just looked at us and we just beamed. That moment is so hard to describe we were so happy, and they were confused. You want to hug them so tightly and be an instant family, but at the same time, you remember that they have no idea who you are.” After that transcendent moment of joy, Barbara and Uncle David entered the zone she now refers to as “Baby Boot Camp.” The new family went through the two-week adoption process in China in a sleep-deprived daze. “It was so much harder than we had anticipated,” Barbara admitted. “For the first 72 hours, we could not put the girls down, they slept in our arms or in the Baby Bjorn. We didn’t sleep, we barely ate… I think we lived on yogurt, Pringles and beer for those two weeks.” Uncle David was a tremendous help, and the girls bonded to him instantly. Barbara would come back to the hotel after attending to adoption paperwork to find the hotel room trashed like rock stars had moved in, and David lying on the floor with two little girls crawling all over him. After the first few days in China the girls were willing to be pushed in a stroller, giving Barb and David’s aching backs an occasional break. Still, Barbara said she felt “intense jealousy” watching the other families who had “two entire adults to care for one little child!” Arriving home in Chicago was wonderful, with the whole family gathering at the airport to welcome them. Daddy Mark met his new girls at O’Hare, and then the family went home to cocoon together and learn how to manage their new life. Barbara is honest about the challenges of coming home with two babies who never slept at the same time, always needed to be fed, changed and comforted at the same time, and always wanted Mommy. “It was very hard,” Barbara recalled. “As a mom, you never want your baby to cry or be unhappy, and with twins one baby is often crying while you care for the other. Within three days, I was on the phone with Dori, saying ‘what have we done?’ Dori was amazing. She came up immediately, and we all sat on the floor with these beautiful babies and talked about how we were going to do this.” Dori Fujii said that many adoptive parents are shocked by the adjustment to sudden parenthood, but some are reluctant to voice their concerns. “These families have worked so hard to become parents, and even though we have prepared them for the challenges of adopting an international child, it can still come as a shock how difficult it is, said Dori. “Mark and Barbara were doing a great job but feeling overwhelmed by jet lag, lack of sleep and the sudden demands of caring for two very anxious little girls. The fact that Mark and Barbara were able to ask for help was a real sign of strength in their family. Mostly they needed reassurance that things would get better as the girls adjusted and concrete suggestions about how to help the girls calm down and feel more safe and secure. I did not want Barbara and Mark to lose confidence in their ability to care for the girls and felt it was important that The Cradle support them through this tough transition period.” Dori even sent Charlotte Meyer, one of the highly experienced Cradle Nursery nurses, to visit the family in their home and offer some suggestions on how to manage caring for both babies while also caring for themselves. “Charlotte was so calming and kind… we talked about a few things, she gave us some ideas, but mostly it was her being here saying you are doing ok, that reassurance that was so important,” said Barbara. As expected, things got much better after a couple of months the babies got onto a more predictable schedule, Mark and Barbara began to get a little more sleep and their confidence as parents began to grow. Getting through the first winter (the girls arrived home in late August 2006) was the roughest, and Barbara says “their whole world changed” with the arrival of spring. “Suddenly we were able to be outside, go to the playground, take walks, and we started having so much fun,” Barbara said. “I started to get a little perspective that if we all got through the day in one piece, we were doing ok and tomorrow was a chance to try again.” What advice would Barbara offer to other parents who might be struggling with the overwhelming demands of caring for a new baby? “Just remember you really don’t have perspective when you are not getting enough sleep,” Barbara said. “You are doing so much better than you think! Find a playgroup where you can connect with other parents, be willing to be honest about the challenges, and ask The Cradle for help! They really are there for you.” One more vital piece of advice that Barb can offer, through her own unfortunate experience: “Don’t use a baby wipe to clean your sunglasses. Bad choice, especially if you are driving.” Just one of the many life lessons brought to you through the blessing of parenthood!